"Hi De...Who?....Who Is This???"
Psalms 139:1-4,23-24
1.O LORD, you have examined me, and you know me.
2. You alone know when I sit down and when I get up. You read my thoughts from far away.
3.You watch me when I travel and when I rest. You are familiar with all my ways.
4.Even before there is a [single] word on my tongue, you know all about it, LORD.....
23.Examine me, O God, and know my mind. Test me, and know my thoughts.
24.See whether I am on an evil path. Then lead me on the everlasting path.
2. You alone know when I sit down and when I get up. You read my thoughts from far away.
3.You watch me when I travel and when I rest. You are familiar with all my ways.
4.Even before there is a [single] word on my tongue, you know all about it, LORD.....
23.Examine me, O God, and know my mind. Test me, and know my thoughts.
24.See whether I am on an evil path. Then lead me on the everlasting path.
Recently, during my conversation with the God, who I interchangeably call Daddy when I'm praying, expressed my desire to Him to come up higher in the things of God. I wanted The Holy Spirit to expose anything within the closets of my heart I wasn't aware of and needed to be destroyed. I did not want anything within my heart to hinder what the Lord has called me to do.
Being with myself for fifty and some years, I've discovered I still do not know everything about myself. Just when I've thought I'm finally over an issue, usually it's an offense... as in someone stepping on my heart, toes, finger,etc... You know anything concerning me and available to step on feet,hand,heart,etc..(and when in my self pity mode, walking in the flesh mode, my soul will exaggerate LOUDER...stomped on!). Sometimes, I would go weeping to the Lord desiring comfort. Only to discover, He wasn't as sympathetic as I would have liked. Instead, He would take me to the wood shed of my mind to give good counsel (rebuking, correcting, loving and encouraging me), revealing He is doing a good work and was burning away the dross of stubbornness and pride. Now grant it, most of the exposing of the sins of my heart, which I later titled the 'search and destroy missions', came in full force during the course of my marriage. And I'm still visiting the wood shed with Daddy... Abba... my Lord. And Praise the Lord, it is not as frequent. One might say, I've suffered to obedience. However, unlike Christ Jesus who was without sin. I was guilty and totally deserved being chastised. Yet, I thank God for the sufficiency of His mercy and grace. Did I say anything about His Love and Patience towards me, for you see I was really as stubborn as a mule. Well, that's another story.
So there we were, God and I communicating, and I believed He was happy with this request. And I of course, thinking He'll expose something about me not making better use of my time, or not keeping various rooms in the house in order. After all, how could Jerry think in that messy room he calls an office. I don't know about you, but I am happy when I've finally have overcome an area of weakness...as in excessive spending (Praise The Lord I'm Freed Of That One, Praise The Lord For Contentment). Surely, it could not be a love issue, as in pure agape. After all, everyone
As my busy life would have it, I continue to do my daily prayers, studying, working and living life with my best friend and hubby Jerry. Then one day going through my inbox I received an e-mail from a sister in Christ Jesus, to give her a call at the given phone number. So, I called and a man answered the phone and I left a message for him to tell her I was calling her as she requested. Hours later the phone call would be returned and this would be God's appointed time to reveal what was hidden in one of closet of my heart.
Jerry and I were just relaxing, when the phone ringed. I noticed it was the phone number of the person who had requested that I called. 'Hi there, I was pleasantly surprised to receive your e-mail to give you a call. Is everything alright?" I asked.
"Oh, Dolli thank you for calling me...
"Oh, who is this?"
"You, know _____"
"Oh, I don't why I thought it was____? I guess I did not read the email correctly." I replied.
At first I was a bit shocked this person would want to speak to me. The the last time we spoke I openly rebuked her in private about how we're suppose to encourage one another and not tear one another down as sisters. I went to her in love and encouraged to stop spreading fabrications and gossip about fellow co-workers, that we're Christians and we don't want to cause others to stumble. Soon, I was to become the object of her wrath, and acid tongue.
Because we're commanded to forgive, as any practicing Christian would do, I did. Yet, looking back I realize I quickly made a decision to forgive her with my intellect, more so than with my heart. Which explained the vexation in my soul every time I saw her at work. Hating feeling vexed and to help me walk in love, I purposed to avoid ever having to be in her presence. Suddenly, I realized after not having to see her in months...then years (because she had to leave because of medical) I had truly forgiven her.
Yes, it was great, when people made mentioned of her name my heart no longer grieved, nor did I have to walk away to protect my testimony, guarding my speech...escaping any temptation to speak ill of her. I didn't want to disappoint Daddy (God) holding on to hurt. So I made it a point to constantly search my heart for anyone I might have ought with, so I could get things right in my heart. I purposed myself to walk in a state of forgiveness... after all God forgives me. Yet, sometimes it truly easier said than done. This why I ask Daddy...God for help in exposing my heart to myself (I am to close to myself to see).
I remember as if it were just moments ago, when I heard some mentioned her name. Because I hadn't heard her name in years, it was like Wow! I didn't even feel a twinge in heart... until, they said she was back from a medical leave. Suddenly, I who rarely enter into other's conversations blurted out, "Did you say ____ is coming back? But, why? Shouldn't she be retiring?" Suddenly, I was somewhat displeased. Why did she have to comeback I asked myself. I was truly upset with my reaction, because it was selfish and just plain ungodly.
I kept talking to the Lord about my heartstrings, apparently there was some residue of bitterness. So I just kept asking for God's help to arrest my stinking thinking and change my heart.
The day came when I saw her face to face. I was shocked, I was sincerely happy to see her. I even felt pure agape(love) towards her. She seemed different, not physically as much as spiritually. I don't know what she went through while away, but there was something different. Then again, I had prayed that God would change my heart towards her, because I did not do a good job before before. Apparently I must had done it in my own strength.
Finally, I felt relieved. This time I knew I was truly delivered from the sin of unforgiveness towards this sister. However, when that call came through, I had almost forgot what I had asked of Daddy...God. "To expose anything in my heart that should not be there". It was to be moments after the call, that it occurred to me maybe the phone call was used as a gauge to verify my heart condition, whether or not all traces of bitterness were eliminated. God knew, but He want me to know.
I thank God for His wisdom to have the sister who I had thought wanted me to call her send me the e-mail. God in His mercy knew that if it were the individual I had actually spoken to, I might have made excuses as why not to respond to her request to call her. In fact, I got mad because I thought the sister who wrote the e-mail have not mentioned the person's name knowing I might not call. Which is why I went back and re-read the e-mail, only to discover I read it too fast and over looked the person's name. Wow, confirming God intended me to have an encounter... conversation with her.
So when I recognized the voice of the person speaking with me , I was stunned for a quick second, hoping to respond with concern and care. I continue to monitor my emotions and everything was sincerely at peace within me. When she shared her situation. I was amazed by the compassion the Lord stirred within my heart. After listening, I offered several solutions and asked if I could pray for the Lord's intervention and blessings over her. I believed she was so shocked, that she couldn't speak. Then she just keep thanking me. But, like we all know and I told her, it wasn't me. It was truly the Lord and I was being obedient to His voice because He loves her and cares. But He did it for me too. By praying for her I was truly released from any residue of resentment and bitterness. I was freed. That area in the closet of my heart was truly cleaned, replaced with His Love.
God is so G-o-o-d! He wants His children in the Body of Christ whole and walking in pure agape (love) on one accord through Christ Jesus.
~Dolli
Being with myself for fifty and some years, I've discovered I still do not know everything about myself. Just when I've thought I'm finally over an issue, usually it's an offense... as in someone stepping on my heart, toes, finger,etc... You know anything concerning me and available to step on feet,hand,heart,etc..(and when in my self pity mode, walking in the flesh mode, my soul will exaggerate LOUDER...stomped on!). Sometimes, I would go weeping to the Lord desiring comfort. Only to discover, He wasn't as sympathetic as I would have liked. Instead, He would take me to the wood shed of my mind to give good counsel (rebuking, correcting, loving and encouraging me), revealing He is doing a good work and was burning away the dross of stubbornness and pride. Now grant it, most of the exposing of the sins of my heart, which I later titled the 'search and destroy missions', came in full force during the course of my marriage. And I'm still visiting the wood shed with Daddy... Abba... my Lord. And Praise the Lord, it is not as frequent. One might say, I've suffered to obedience. However, unlike Christ Jesus who was without sin. I was guilty and totally deserve
So there we were, God and I communicating, and I believed He was happy with this request. And I of course, thinking He'll expose something about me not making better use of my time, or not keeping various rooms in the house in order. After all, how could Jerry think in that messy room he calls an office. I don't know about you, but I am happy when I've finally have overcome an area of weakness...as in excessive spending (Praise The Lord I'm Freed Of That One, Praise The Lord For Contentment). Surely, it could not be a love issue, as in pure agape. After all, everyone
As my busy life would have it, I continue to do my daily prayers, studying, working and living life with my best friend and hubby Jerry. Then one day going through my inbox I received an e-mail from a sister in Christ Jesus, to give her a call at the given phone number. So, I called and a man answered the phone and I left a message for him to tell her I was calling her as she requested. Hours later the phone call would be returned and this would be God's appointed time to reveal what was hidden in one of closet of my heart.
Jerry and I were just relaxing, when the phone ringed. I noticed it was the phone number of the person who had requested that I called. 'Hi there, I was pleasantly surprised to receive your e-mail to give you a call. Is everything alright?" I asked.
"Oh, Dolli thank you for calling me...
"Oh, who is this?"
"You, know _____"
"Oh, I don't why I thought it was____? I guess I did not read the email correctly." I replied.
At first I was a bit shocked this person would want to speak to me. The the last time we spoke I openly rebuked her in private about how we're suppose to encourage one another and not tear one another down as sisters. I went to her in love and encouraged to stop spreading fabrications and gossip about fellow co-workers, that we're Christians and we don't want to cause others to stumble. Soon, I was to become the object of her wrath, and acid tongue.
Because we're commanded to forgive, as any practicing Christian would do, I did. Yet, looking back I realize I quickly made a decision to forgive her with my intellect, more so than with my heart. Which explained the vexation in my soul every time I saw her at work. Hating feeling vexed and to help me walk in love, I purposed to avoid ever having to be in her presence. Suddenly, I realized after not having to see her in months...then years (because she had to leave because of medical) I had truly forgiven her.
Yes, it was great, when people made mentioned of her name my heart no longer grieved, nor did I have to walk away to protect my testimony, guarding my speech...escaping any temptation to speak ill of her. I didn't want to disappoint Daddy (God) holding on to hurt. So I made it a point to constantly search my heart for anyone I might have ought with, so I could get things right in my heart. I purposed myself to walk in a state of forgiveness... after all God forgives me. Yet, sometimes it truly easier said than done. This why I ask Daddy...God for help in exposing my heart to myself (I am to close to myself to see).
I remember as if it were just moments ago, when I heard some mentioned her name. Because I hadn't heard her name in years, it was like Wow! I didn't even feel a twinge in heart... until, they said she was back from a medical leave. Suddenly, I who rarely enter into other's conversations blurted out, "Did you say ____ is coming back? But, why? Shouldn't she be retiring?" Suddenly, I was somewhat displeased. Why did she have to comeback I asked myself. I was truly upset with my reaction, because it was selfish and just plain ungodly.
I kept talking to the Lord about my heartstrings, apparently there was some residue of bitterness. So I just kept asking for God's help to arrest my stinking thinking and change my heart.
The day came when I saw her face to face. I was shocked, I was sincerely happy to see her. I even felt pure agape(love) towards her. She seemed different, not physically as much as spiritually. I don't know what she went through while away, but there was something different. Then again, I had prayed that God would change my heart towards her, because I did not do a good job before before. Apparently I must had done it in my own strength.
Finally, I felt relieved. This time I knew I was truly delivered from the sin of unforgiveness towards this sister. However, when that call came through, I had almost forgot what I had asked of Daddy...God. "To expose anything in my heart that should not be there". It was to be moments after the call, that it occurred to me maybe the phone call was used as a gauge to verify my heart condition, whether or not all traces of bitterness were eliminated. God knew, but He want me to know.
I thank God for His wisdom to have the sister who I had thought wanted me to call her send me the e-mail. God in His mercy knew that if it were the individual I had actually spoken to, I might have made excuses as why not to respond to her request to call her. In fact, I got mad because I thought the sister who wrote the e-mail have not mentioned the person's name knowing I might not call. Which is why I went back and re-read the e-mail, only to discover I read it too fast and over looked the person's name. Wow, confirming God intended me to have an encounter... conversation with her.
So when I recognized the voice of the person speaking with me , I was stunned for a quick second, hoping to respond with concern and care. I continue to monitor my emotions and everything was sincerely at peace within me. When she shared her situation. I was amazed by the compassion the Lord stirred within my heart. After listening, I offered several solutions and asked if I could pray for the Lord's intervention and blessings over her. I believed she was so shocked, that she couldn't speak. Then she just keep thanking me. But, like we all know and I told her, it wasn't me. It was truly the Lord and I was being obedient to His voice because He loves her and cares. But He did it for me too. By praying for her I was truly released from any residue of resentment and bitterness. I was freed. That area in the closet of my heart was truly cleaned, replaced with His Love.
God is so G-o-o-d! He wants His children in the Body of Christ whole and walking in pure agape (love) on one accord through Christ Jesus.
~Dolli
- Romans 12:14:
- Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
bless and do not curse.
2 comments:
Hi Dolli,
Thanks for stopping by to visit my blog. It's so nice to meet you. Praise God that He speaks to our hearts as He so evidently did here with you.
Blessings.
Hi Dolli,
I just stopped by to thank you for the sweet note you left on my blog. It meant so much to me that you took the time to read through it all.
This post was a blessing to read. Thank you for sharing this story! I'm so glad God did this for you and for your friend. You're right! He is GOOD!!!!
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